There's a spot on your tie.....
"The other day I was in a restaurant, and the waiter pointed and asked about the spot on my tie. I thought he meant the bit of gravy, but it turns out he was referring to the pin I wear as a tie tack. I am very proud of this pin as it signifies my membership in 'The Society of American Magicians'. (Or the 'IBM', or Aardvarks of The Universe', whatever!)"
Changing the subject back to that of magic, the performer whips out a, sorry to say, deck of cards. He (guess what!) has a card selected and returned to the deck. The deck is returned to the case.
The performer then attempts to divine the selected card. HE FAILS!
During one of his minor arm movements however, he brushes the encased deck past his tie tack. As he does, the chosen card penetrates the deck and case, and winds up IMPALED on the tie tack. The card is actually hanging from his tie!
The performer tears the card off his tie tack and hands it out to the spectator as a small memento
of the evening.
Give Him Da Screws Mugsy
I guess I should introduce this with a brief prologue. I do this not because I think it really needs one, but because I KNOW that most of you, when you read this, will figure I'm a loon. You'll say things like, "This is weird, I couldn't do THAT, This is kind of off beat." Just thought I'd warn you in advance, and beat you to the punch.....
"I've always rather enjoyed gangster films. I see Jimmy Cagney on the screen, and dream of helping some of his thugs ‘off’ Putty Nose! Well, most of us can't experience such excitement in the doldrums of our normal existence.
There is one consolation here. THIS is not part of your everyday experience. You have come here today to be swept away from it all...and sweep I shall!"
The performer invites a meek looking gentleman on stage to assist in an old time gangster plot.
The gent is given a card table to sit at, a gangster suit (That is 5 sizes too big.) and hat.
"We'll call you Da Weasel for our little pseudo cinematic playlet.
Weasel, meet Mugsy."
On that line, a HUGE (Bigger the better) mountain of a man comes on stage. He is dresses in traditional gangster garb, and carries a huge “heater.” (That's a gun for you non-gangster types.)
"Now then... The scene opens at the hideout. Mugsy and 'The Boss', that's me, have captured Da weasel, and we're gonna put da screws to him.
Mugsy, cover him. I don't want him squeellin to Dimple Cheeks. If he moves, let him have it!
Ok, Weasel....We're gonna put da Screw to ya, got it? Good!
Here's da screwdrivers!"
The performer displays a rack with 6 oversized screwdrivers on it. Each handle is a different color.
"Ok, weasel..... That there's the screw! Yeah Weasel, I know ya can't see what color the screw is, that's why it's all wrapped up in cloth. Ya see, you've got to get rid of all BUT the one screwdriver that matches the screw in color. Ya know what'll happen if ya don't.....
Mugsy, get ridda dat heater. It's too noisy. If Weasel here can't use his miraculous psychic powers to find da proper screwdriver, you off him wit da knife..."
Mugsy pulls out a huge switchblade, but the boss isn't happy.
In 'Crocodile Dundee manner', the performer says..."That's not a knife mate. THIS is a knife!" He withdraws a HUGE machete. He hands the machete to Mugsy with the comment (back to gangster mode.), "Oops, er , wrong movie.
Ok, Weasel, why don't you touch three of dem drivers, and as you do, I want to hear you SHOUT out da color.
Ok, Weasel, of the three left, why don't you reach over and grab any two of them, and hold them in your hands. I like them full so I know where they are.
Ok, Weasel, for your sake I hope the blue screw is da one that's there. Otherwise you'll be able to drink without gettin your lips wet! heh heh heh..."
The boss dramatically undrapes the screw to show that they do indeed match!
"Dammit Mugsy, I told you to paint the screw YELLOW! We didn't have a yellow screwdriver!"
Suddenly lights flash about on the stage. From off stage, shouts are heard, followed by gun shots. The performer and Mugsy are shot and wind up dead on the stage. A voice from off stage yells, "Come one Weasel. We told ya we'd spring ya. Get in the car before the boys in blue get here!"
The curtain falls.